Beautiful Sadness
by Grimdork
Summary: I always knew what I wanted and how to get it, but for the first time I have no fucking clue what I was doing. High School AU where Kenny faints at the sight of blood and Butters is willing to help. Bunny! Previously "Like Bees To Honey"
1. Chapter 1

In Which Blood Is Really Gross and Blonde Curly Haired Boys Named After Dairy Products Are Really Adorable

The first time I met him I swear to God he was glowing.

His hair was a really light blonde and messy. I watched as he tucked a curl behind his ear that fit perfectly. His bright blue eyes were huge and his nose disproportionately smaller. He smiled at whoever he was talking to and it lit up his entire face. I stared as the person next to him whispered something in his ear and the boy shifted his eyes to me slowly. When he caught me staring he whipped his head back to his friend, his whole face and ears turned cherry red.

"Keeenny what the fuck are you staring at?" An angel I think.

"See that guy over there?" I asked Stan, ignoring Cartman as usual. Don't feed the dragon unless you want to be eaten. "I'm gonna screw his brains out."

"Ew gross Dude! Are you gay Kenny?"

I laughed. "Are you serious? No. He's hot though you have to admit." Stan just looked confused and slightly disgusted.

"I think it's totally cool for two men to have feelings for each other. It's kind of accepted now."

"Of course you'd say that Jew" Cartman muttered.

"What the hell does being a Jew have to do with-"

Then Stan went on trying to get them to break it up spouting bullshit like "It's the first day of school you don't want to be late for class do you?", I wasn't really listening. I was already thinking of a strategy to get that boy in my pants.

I parted with the gang and checked my schedule for my first class. I had Shakespeare with Mr. Garrison in the third building. I entered the classroom and saw many recognizable faces. The boy from this morning wasn't one of them. Though I did see the friend he was talking to. I sat next to him.

"Hi there. My name is Kenny" I said. He just kind of glared at me and grimaced though it could've been a twitch or something.

"I k-know who you are. You don't have the b-best kind of rep here. I've also been in cl-classes with you since f-freshman year." I didn't really know what to say to that so I just waited for him to continue. "S-since I doubt you're going to ask, you can call me T- Tweek. Everyone else does. I bet the only reason you came to sit n-next to me is so you can get information on B-butters." Butter? What was he talking about? "He's a g-good childhood fr-friend of mine, and he's spending his Senior year here in S-south P-park before he moves to California to go to sc-school at Stanford. Also I am n-_not_ giving you a phone number." So Butters was the name of the boy I saw this morning?

"Stanford? Are you serious?"

"Yeah he wants to study mu-molecular chemistry something or another." Kenny had to resist the urge to make a stupid chemistry joke. "His schedule is pretty messed up and he's basically just taking any classes that he w-_wants_ to take since he's already admitted into St-stanford." Holy fucking shit this Butters kid sounded like a genius. I was starting to feel a little intimidated...

And then the bell rang.

My classes went by in a blur. After Shakespeare I had Spanish 3, gym, Trig, and computer. My day was shaping out to be pretty boring and it was only lunch. I sat at my usual table and saw that Cartman and Stan were already there while Kyle was waiting in line. Stan and Cartman were arguing over something I didn't give a shit about. I searched the room for a special blonde haired blue-eyed boy. I didn't notice when Cartman and Stan stopped talking. I glanced at Stan with a 'what the fuck' face.

"I always find it creepy when you go on these 'conquests'. I feel bad for the boy whose receiving those stares." Stan shivered.

"You're just jealous it's not you" I stuck my tongue at him totally mature-like. That's when something (or someone) in the corner of my eye was distracting me.

I didn't realize before because, regrettably, I do not spend much time looking at Kyle, but next to him in line chatting happily was Butters. I considered for a moment making Kyle my permanent wing man.

They walked together to our table and I purposefully made an empty spot next to me on the bench. Obviously, Kyle sat right in that seat which left Butters to sit on the other side of him. In my head I fired Kyle as wing man instantly. Cartman snorted with laughter and ignored him as usual.

"Kyle who's this?" I asked him once they'd settled down. I hadn't really noticed before, but Butters was pretty tiny. He had to have been at most 5 feet. I couldn't help but think his small hands were really cute.

"Oh uh this is Butters, Butters this is my friend Kenny." Kyle paused and squinted at me for a second. "Is there something wrong with you? Your face looks funny."

Um what. "I guess I'm just not feeling well. My stomach's been a mess recently." Kyle just nodded. I wonder what kind of face I was making.

Kyle shared half of his sandwich like he usually does since I can't afford lunch and the bell rang.

"Hey Butters." I called out before he could leave. I didn't get the chance to talk to him much due to the cock block. "What class do you have next?"

He looked genuinely surprised that I was talking to him and blushed. "I-I h-h-have A-anatomy." He stuttered. It sounded a lot better than his friend Tweek's stutter.

"I do to! I had my first period with that friend of yours Tweek. He told me you wanted to study chemistry or something though? Why aren't you taking that as your science?"

Butters looked confused at the fact that I'd talked about him with another person, but didn't say anything about it. "I-I'm takin' two sciences." He visibly swallowed. "Anatomy for fun an IB Chemistry." I noticed that he'd slowly stopped stuttering. Was he doing that because he was nervous? I smiled at the thought, I had him wrapped around my finger.

We walked to Mrs. Cocks (yes) class together and sat in the front row. It wasn't my ideal spot, but whatever.

She took roll call and I listened for Butters's last name. It sounded something like "Storch" but I wasn't sure. "Okay class for today just to ease into things we're going to watch a movie. I've personally never seen it before to check if it's alright so if any of you feel the need to leave the classroom raise your hand and I will dismiss you to the nurse." I thought that the school board was supposed to inform her that I wouldn't be able to watch squeamish movies or do any dissecting (I didn't have any choice but to take this class if I did I would have never chosen it), but I'm sure it would be fine. Just a little blood wouldn't be too bad.

So basically within minutes of the movie I fainted. The last thing I remembered was a loud gasp from Butters and the feeling of my whole upper body falling onto my desk table painfully.

When I woke up I was in the nurse's office. I had a bandage wrapped around my head loosely and my mouth tasted sour. I've been in this office more than a few times under the same circumstances, but before the nurse was the one sitting at the desk. This time I didn't see the nurse, but instead Butters with his head hunched down and vigorously scribbling something on a piece or paper.

"Hey." I croaked. Butters jumped in his seat and spun around to look at me. He looked as if I'd caught him doing something wrong. "You could have just left me with the nurse. That's what my other classmates do."

Butters shook his head. "The nurse isn't here today due to illness. Ironic huh? Her assistant was here instead an told me I coulda stayed until ya woke up and work on ma homework." He paused for a moment, packing up his backpack. "Does this happen often or something?"

"I have hemophobia. My family has some really back luck and almost all of my relatives are dead. I also had bad luck and saw them all die and that kind of traumatized me. Now I faint every time I see gory stuff." I felt like I was talking to a therapist and not a boy I wanted to have sex with.

"Ya know I...I took a Psychology class last year. I can help ya with your hemophobia if ya want." He took a deep breath and continued. "I mean if ya don't want me to or ya don't think I can do it than I won't a course I just wanted to help a bit, but I mean we just met a couple a hours ago an-"

"Can you really? That would be pretty cool Butters." I smiled. This was perfect I could get closer to Butters and maybe get over my hemophobia with his help.

Butters blushed brightly. "A course I can or I wouldn't a said it. We can meet at my house if that's okay with ya. What days are ya free?" That was different. Was Butters bolder than I originally planned?

"Well I don't have anything after school today." I raised an eyebrow trying to hint at something a little more. I'm not sure if he really caught on though because he looked extremely surprised at my offer.

"Sure that sounds wonderful Ken."

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><p>Ah I hope you guys liked it! If you did (or didn't) please leave a comment below!<p>

I'm thinking that this story is going to have short chapters, extremely long titles, and heavy dialogue :/

Oh and it's going to be _only_ Kenny's POV


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter is up! I hope you like it and please give me feedback :D Thanks!

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><p>Today The Boy Who Lives A Lot Farther Than Across The Street Manages To Stump Me<p>

"Okay so uh, first things first. Do you take any medication for the fainting? Maybe Somethin' like Benzodiazepines? If not I think ya should-"

"I don't take meds and don't plan on it." I hated medication. It always tasted like shit and the results were rarely worth the side effects.

"Oh um so then that's fine too." Crap Butters looked upset now. He glanced down and picked at his fingernails quickly. "We can try things other than medication like Copying Skills and Gradual Exposure. Or maybe Systematic Desination." I had no clue what he was talking about, but I was glad to see he didn't look like he was close to tears anymore. "What do ya think Kenny? What are somethings that make ya happy?" He was getting really close to me now, his eyes expectant.

"I don't know. Why are you asking me this?"

"Well I was thinkin' that when you think a blood ya think a your deceased family members right? So if we associate a happy memory an blood is somehow involved you won't think a the bad memory anymore, get it?" I got it, but I didn't know how we'd do it. Or how I could use this to sleep with him somehow. "This may sound kinda strange, but I think that if we get to know each other a bit better and I can understand ya better I'll be able to think a somethin'." This situation was falling quickly into the friend zone territory and I hadn't been given time to think of a way to climb out.

"What da ya think?" Butters face was starting to fall again and I had no clue what to say. Do I say yes and take the friend approach? What other alternative do I have?

"Awh hamburgers I shouldn't a said that. We only just met today an.." It sounded like he was close to tear now. This was getting to be a lot more harder than I had originally planned. My brain wasn't working and Butters just kept on blubbering nonsense. I made a mistake I would have never done if I was thinking straight and I still wanted Butters SO BAD it almost physically hurt.

I got up from Butters's carpet and walked slowly to him at his desk. "Ken what are ya..." He trailed off as I got closer, his eyes got as big as saucers. I put my hands on both of the arm rests giving him the option to either push me aside and bolt or let me continue. I knew he was a big fat softie and he didn't have the heart to shove me away. I leaned forward until Butters had backed all the way up into his seat. He was completely silent, mouth gaped open in a small O.

"You want to know how to make happy memories with me?" I asked, licking my lips and leaning in even closer. "Fine then."

It took what felt like centuries for him to come up with a response. His eyes searched mine for a competent answer. I could read him like a book. All of his thoughts and feeling showed in his eyes. He was extremely confused and for some reason worried. It wasn't the ideal outcome for me, but at least I could brace myself for rejection. "A course I wanna make memories with ya Ken. This disability a yours is no joke an I wanna help as best as I can, even if it's not very much, cause you're so nice to me and no one but Tweek ever really talks to me an I know I can't do much, but I'm gonna try my darndest to help ya cause that's what ya deserve for bein' so kind to a fella like me."

I retracted almost immediately. "I don't think I understand."

Butters looked like he was either about to piss himself or run away. He covered his face in his hands and shook his head back and forth. I could see matching bright pink cheeks between his fingers. I stood and waited for him to calm down because I didn't really know what else to do. I could audibly hear his breath, sucking air through his nose then out through gritted teeth. After minutes of repeating the same thing over and over again he removed his hands from his face. Butters looked up at me and smiled, but it didn't look happy to me. "It's fine if ya don't understand. That's not your fault."

"...Butters I-"

He abruptly stood up and stared down at his feet. "I think it's about time ya go home."

"Okay."

-.-.-

It had only been one day and I felt like I had deduced a lot about Butters within that time span.

One, he was seriously smart.

Two, he liked to be liked by people.

And three, I think he was dealing with something much bigger than Hemophobia here.

I didn't know what to make of it. There was something up with the way Butters reacted to the slightest thing I said or didn't say like he was cling onto my every word. There was really nothing else to think about it, I just didn't know at the time what a big impact everything little interaction made on Butters. I didn't even want to think on the subject too long fearing I'd delve into something too big for me.

The tips of my ears were jagged from getting frostbitten when I was a child. Other than that, my entire body, especially my hands, nose, and toes felt frozen tonight. Temperatures in South Park tended to range from really cold to why the fuck aren't you dead yet. Butters happened to kick me out of his house on a day of the latter.

I knew he wasn't the kind of person to leave me in the snow out of bitterness or something similar. Some of that was admittedly based purely on his looks, but also he had initially been way too nice to be that kind of person.

So why was I trudging through the snow again? I rubbed my hands together and blew hot air in them. Following the same familiar pattern until I reached the shack I liked to call home occasionally. The distance it took me to get from Butters's house to here was not in my favor.

I walked through the junk yard better known as my front lawn and knocked quietly on the door twice. Finding that it was unlocked as usual I slipped inside and shut the door behind me slowly, not allowing it to creak. In the living room/ kitchenette was a tube television playing a rerun of a NASCAR race from a few years back. My dad sprawled out on the dirty couch snoring loudly with an empty bottle of beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other.

I slowly reached for the remote in his hand and turned the TV off. After making sure he hadn't woken up I slipped past him into the kitchen. I grabbed the Great Value Apple Jacks and ate a few dry from the box. I made my way down the hall hopping from one floor board to the next.

Until one of them creaked too loudly.

"Kenny? What are you doin' awake? You have school tomorrow don't you?" My dad's voice slurred slightly as he attempted to stand, swaying a bit in his effort.

"Yeah I was asleep. I just needed to turn off the TV." I lied. My hands gripped the box behind my back. His vision was probably blurry enough that he didn't notice.

He nodded lazily and sat back down. "G'night." He fell asleep almost instantly.

I kept on slowly making my way to my room. If mom heard me she wouldn't be taking any of my lies.

I snuck into my room, slide the cereal box under my bed, and crept under the covers. I blinked a few times, twisting in the sheets left to right trying to get comfortable.

A wave of sadness overtook me and I didn't understand why. Know matter what happy memory I thought of it wouldn't disappear. It made my heart heavy yet weak. Decidedly, I embraced it like a long-lost friend, letting the pain wrap around my chest until I was filled to the brim with despair. It was unexpectedly comfortable enough to ease me to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

How Not To Fuck Up And Get Yourself Friendzoned

I woke up the next morning in an unexpectedly good mood. I'd slept off whatever teenage despair that had overtook me the night before and felt like I was on top of the world. Until I remember the fight I had with Butters the day before. Or at least it seemed like a fight, I could try to just test out the waters with him at school today.

I dragged myself out of bed as slowly as possible and slapped my alarm clock which sufficiently shut it up. I went through the usual routine of putting on a change of clothes and the works. I could only find one clean sock and just decided not to care enough to try to find a match. I slipped on my boots and headed outside into the cold.

South Park wasn't always a fucking winter wonderland, but this year the weather had been even colder than usual. During summer break the highest it would reach on a good day would be mild with wind. I was so done with living here it was unbelievable. The same weather, the same setting, and the same people never failed to bore me half to death. Kyle, Stan, and Cartman were the same as they always had been, going on stupid adventures to God knows where and returning with little to no evidence or believable facts to prove anything to the south Park citizens that they were more than meets the eye. They didn't understand like I did that South Park just didn't care. Nothing would ever change here. I needed something different though or I wouldn't be able to stand it any longer. I wanted something new.

I wanted a new toy to play with.

A smile crossed my lips as I reached the grounds of South Park High. Butters might be just what I was looking for.

Instead of going to the usual meet up spot under the south staircase (basically just the very back of the school. There were two staircases in South Park High and no one but us and the goths ever got near it) I wondered around the front of the school on the search for a little blonde boy. I finally found him sitting in a group with three other guys at a table outside. One of them I recognized to be Tweek and the other two didn't ring any bells.

Tweek was the first to see me. He glared as if saying "_Don't come near us_" but I ignored it with a smile plastered on my face. "Hi Butters, hi Tweek. Can I join you?" With his back facing me I could visibly see Butters jump out of his skin. He whipped his head around in a millisecond and smiled genuinely. I suppose our 'fight' yesterday was in the past to him, which was fine by me.

"Ah 'course!" Butters responded. Tweek just huffed. I sat on the edge of the bench with Tweek on the other end and Butters between us. The stranger in the blue hat sat directly across from Tweek and the other one lounged next to him. He was wearing a red football letterman jacket, but his plain looks, brown hair with matching eyes, were too common for me to be able to put a name with the face.

"Hi I'm Clyde Donovan! I feel like I've seen you around campus before, what was your name?" I noticed that he talked with a lot of gestures and expressions. Very theatrical for a sports person.

"Kenny McCormick." I responded bluntly. My old habit to talk shortly came out often when meeting new people. Especially those as outgoing as Clyde seemed to be. Naturally I turned to the other stranger for an introduction, only to find he was glaring at me. No, not glaring, it looked _scrutinizing_.

"What McCormick already forgot about me? I see. Probably too busy banging everything that moves to remember something a trivial as my na-" I heard a loud thud from under the table followed by, "Ow! What the fuck Tweek?"

"D-don't be such a dick." Was Tweek standing up for me? It didn't make much sense, but I wasn't going to interrogate him over it. Tweek continued, "He's Craig Tucker and also my boyfriend. Though not for long at this rate." He glowered. Craig flipped him off though I got the feeling it wasn't an unusual thing. Next to me Butters' ears were red. He looked about ready to crawl into the nearest sewer and pay a visit to Kyle's old friend Mr. Hankey.

I plastered a smile on my face when the bell rang. the chair underneath me screeched as I stood up. "Want to walk to class together?" I asked facing Butters.

His big blue eyes widened even larger than they already were. "Sure, I'd love to." He gasped suddenly and covered his mouth "That's not what I meant to say, I'm sorry. I mean, I'd like to walk with you, that's what I meant to say, shit that came out wrong-"

"Let's go." I pulled him up from his chair and dragged him inside the building. All the while not once did he look at my face, instead looked down at his feet like a child that got scolded by his mother. I questioned whether Butters was really worth the trouble or if I should dump him and find another, but then again I was getting more than just a fuck out of this- he did say he'd help me fix my hemophobia. And besides it was only the second day.

-.-.-

I sat in Butters' living room watching some stupid show on Cartoon Network while Butters worked on his homework at the dining table. Apparently since it was the first day he didn't have anything, but all the AP classes started piling on the homework only on the second day. Of course school would be the thing to keep Butters away from me. I tell him just that.

He spared me a glance before turning back to his papers, a little pink tongue sticking out between his lips. "School is my top priority. It should be yours too if you're gonna get into an adequate college"

"I don't care what kind of college I get into. I'm not even sure if I want to go to college. According to Cartman everyone who goes to college becomes a hippie and smokes weed in old people's basements."

Butters laughed. "That's not sure, only some of them do." He stood up and bent over to pack up his homework giving me a nice view of his ass, then stood back up and stretched with a satisfied smile. I patted the seat next to me and he ran to the living room and jumped on the couch. "What are we watching?"

"I have no fucking clue. All I know is the blue guy is named Mordecai and the small brown one is Rugby."

"Oh I've seen this a couple times in the past. I think it's Rigby though not Rugby." I just shrug. Morty and Rugby and go fuck each other for all I care. I wrapped an arm around Butters pretending to still be engrossed in the cartoon I really didn't give a shit about. Butters looked at me with a confusing expression. "You're really flirty huh? Even if I'm a boy. I mean it's okay with me though."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "What do you mean you're okay with it?"

Butters paused to think over his answer. "I mean that it's an important part of your personality so I'm not going to get defensive if you touch me or something... I guess..." I was already looking at him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. I grabbed his chin maybe a little too roughly and turned his head toward me. His face was bright red and his eyes tightly shut. I supposed it was as good a time as any and leaned forward. I heard a loud gasp and felt hands on my shoulders. When I opened my eyes Butters' were right there staring back at me with a mortified face "K-k-k-kenny! That wasn't an invitation to k-k..._kiss_ me!"

I smiled apologetically. Damn it. "Sorry I guess I thought it was the right mood?"

Butters slapped my shoulder, pretty lightly, but I wasn't quite sure if he had been really trying or not. "Jesus Christ! Don't do that again, you scare the crap outta me!" He put his hand over his chest for effect and I hoped it beated fast out of excitement and not fear. Him being scared of me as the worst case scenario.

"Sorry, I promise I won't do it again." I raised my hand that was wrapped around him next to my head like a boy scout salute.

Butters nodded a few times and slowly turned back to face the T.V. Not a word was spoken and once the show was over Butters reached for the remote and turned the screen off. I sighed and stood up. "Look I'm seriously sorry. Should I go home?"

"No!" I jumped a little at the outburst. "I mean... I'll go make some snacks. And then I can help you with your homework. Even if you don't have as much as me I'm sure you have some and you need to get it done if you're ever wanting to graduate from South Park High."

Once he left the room I groaned into my hands. It looked like I'd been forced to take the friend approach there wasn't any way around it. I'd have to become good, or even best friends with him until I'd be able to get dirty with him. I swear he was harder than anyone else I have had sex with in the past. They were all practically throwing themselves at me though to be honest so it was never much of a challenge in the first place until now.

Butters came back around 10 minutes later with sandwiches and chips. I scarfed down mine and ate most of Butter's portion too. He said he wasn't all that help me/did my homework for me and I pondered over how Butters may not turn out to be that bad of a friend after all.

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><p>I know Tweek is known for being the stuttering one in sp, but I headcanon that Butters stutters when he gets nervous, and he get nervous easily so yeah<p> 


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